The floor was never soft
and your hands
were never clean
Still
night after night
our bodies coiled on carpet
Fingers fastened
And every time after
I’d repose on your ribcage
Cheek to chest
Eavesdropping
I knew
it could never be mine.
“What made you
so callous, so careless?”
Beer-breathed and backbiting
your retorts
(like yourself)
were unchanging.
“Just drink” you’d command.
Every sharp shot
a reminder:
desire might satisfy
a weekend
but never a lifetime
I wanted whispers
butterflies
breakfasts in bed
Not these straw houses
Not this quicksand
This was convenient
This was never love